Father of a Previvor: A Father's Day Story

 

Here's a link to my Father's Day blog article for CureToday.com.

Story about FORCE (FacingOurRisk.org) and the origin of the the word "previvor."

Secondary Losses

On June 26, 2021, I lost my beloved wife, Donna, to hereditary cancer. When you lose your soulmate of 40 years, you lose more than just their physical presence, you suffer so many secondary losses -- so many of the shared small things, little memories, and magic moments that made life together so special.

The word bereave comes from the Old English word, befearfian, which means to "deprive, take away, or be robbed." And that is what cancer and death does, it robs the cancer patient and their family of so many of those precious little moments together that are often taken for granted.

Mark Twain said, “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” Maybe you can relate, or maybe it will just give you pause to reflect on your own life and how precious the ordinary moments of life are.

But I think Brené Brown said it best:  "We chase extraordinary moments instead of being grateful for ordinary moments until hard shit happens. And then in the face of really hard stuff -- illness, death, loss -- the only thing we're begging for is a normal moment."

Patented Inventor

Before the pandemic, and before my wife died of hereditary cancer and broke my heart, we were avid kayakers, and on one outing I saw a need for an easy-to-use vessel to stow supplies and equipment that would not interfere with paddling or legroom. So, I invented the kaYAKtail^tm to help solve the problem of never having enough space for dry storage of extra supplies on kayaking adventures. On October 19, 2021, just four months after my wife died, my patent was awarded. 

Hopefully, someday, after I unpack a ton of emotional baggage from my wife's cancer battle and death, I can bring it to market with the assistance of my patent lawyer and licensing company. And use the funds to help establish a longtime desire of creating an artist retreat for cancer patients and their caregivers and families.

Bottling Grief

 From my grief sketchbook & journal:

Grief Should be Bottled

When you have those moments of entitlement, when you feel superior, when your compassion for others wanes, when you have no empathy, when you put your own selfish needs above your loved ones’ needs, when you take all you have for granted, you take a whiff from the bottle. And it brings you to your knees.

Suddenly an unimaginable heartache hits you. Then an overwhelming fear that your world has forever changed. The bright future that you had so vividly imagined turns dark and bleak. The hopeless feeling that all the things that you held so dear have been ripped from your arms never to be embraced again. The painful guilt of missed opportunities to share your love or just simply say “I love you” sets in. And the tears flow uncontrollably.

Slowly the you regain your composure as the effects wear off. You rise up from your knees with a renewed gratitude for life. And gratefulness that it was only temporary and you thankfully will not have to carry those horrid feelings with you for the rest of your life, unlike me.

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“After sitting at countless deathbeds, I can tell you, no one pines for their houses or cars at the end of life. What is meaningful is the people whom they have loved.” – David Kessler, from the book Finding Meaning, The Sixth Stage of Grief

A Voice for Science

Snapshot courtesy of John Henry Beyer

Below is a link to a great op-ed science piece written by John Henry Beyer, Ph.D. It was recently published in the Sierra Sun Newspaper of Truckee, California. John is a geophysicist. He is retired from the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory where he managed research on the development of climate change mitigation technologies.

The article also featured a reprint of cartoon I created for a Union of Concerned Scientists calendar a few years back. Get the whole story here: https://www.sierrasun.com/news/environment/climate-dispatches-science-is-revolutionary-sometimes-people-like-it-sometimes-they-dont/

Adventures in Geography

The Arizona Geographic Alliance has recently released a set of grade level-based Geography Activity Books. (That I just happened to have created the cover design and artwork for, by the way. And there's a couple pieces of interior art I created as well. All provided gratis.) Teachers, parents, and others interested in geography education can pick up or download a copy for free. More information can be found here: https://geoalliance.asu.edu/activitybooks.

The Arizona Geographic Alliance’s purpose is to strengthen geography education in Arizona. They partner with Arizona State University as well as other national and state groups.

On the Other Hand

Sometimes life literally changes in a minute. Plans change, or more accurately, you are often forced to change your plans.
 
Recently a loved one had a life-threatening medical crisis related to her cancer battle.  Now I’m reevaluating plans and reinventing myself to give my full attention to where it is needed the most. That means that updating this journal/blog might be a little sporadic for a while.

Needless to say, my creativity took a serious nosedive because of this crisis. However, while waiting for news from the doctors and surgeons I spent time doodling with my other hand to try and divert my attention. I leave you for now with a couple of those doodles from my sketchbook rendered with my other hand…